Friendship & the Trinity
What are friendships supposed to look like? Depends on who you ask, doesn’t it? It even depends on the day? Sometimes, we see friendship as being like Frodo & Sam in the Lord of the Rings- faithful, true, persevering through anything. But on other days, friendship looks to us a bit more like… a soap opera. Where its really all about me and what I want, so relationships that were important to me one day need not be so the next if I think it will serve my purposes.
Something is wrong with such a perspective. We feel it instinctively. We hunger for relationships that are bigger, stronger, more solid. So maybe we need a better source. Rather than look to Hollywood, Main Street USA, or even our street, lets ask the perspective of the one unchanging being in the universe- Almighty God. What does God say about what friendship should look like? After all, He created humanity, and He created friendships. So doesn’t it stand to reason that what he says about friendship ought to be true in our lives as well (no matter how different or challenging it might be)?
When we approach the Bible with this question, we find it has a lot to say. No, you won’t find many references to “friendship” in your concordance, but you will find a great deal about relationships of all kinds. One of the most surprising things that God says about our friendships is the role that the Trinity plays in those relationships!
In Ephesians 4:1-6, Paul says some very helpful and very amazing things about how to maintain and grow our relationships. In the first 3 verses, he describes the character our relationships (including our friendships) should have. Then, in the next 3 verses he gives the enabling power for the kinds of relationships he’s just described. He says the following:
“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”
Notice the Trinitarian emphasis in these verses? Paul is picturing here how it is the work of each member of the Trinity that enables us to know and experience the kinds of friendships God has designed us for. It is the Father’s sovereign reign over all things in us and our lives that is patiently and gently working out the gospel in our relationships. His reign enables relationships to exist.
And it is because we have been called to receive grace in Christ (v. 1) that we are able to give grace to one another in our relationships. As Paul explained in the previous three chapters, the Son of God was torn apart from the Father in judgment for our sins. It is because of this tearing apart, that we are reconciled to God. And it is because we are reconciled to God, that we can overcome tearing apart in our friendships and move towards reconciliation. This is the kind of relationships we long for: those that are bigger than us and our circumstances and that have the means to weather the tough times. The work of the Son enables such relationships to exist.
Paul also speaks of the work of the Spirit here in these verses and how He also affects our relationships. Paul describes how we should be eager to know unity in our relationships because of the Holy Spirit within us. He is the one that gives us an enabling grace to know peace in our friendships. As the Holy Spirit bears with us and abides with us even in the face of our sin, we learn what it means to bear with and abide with one another when we are sinned against.
Not only does each member of the Trinity empower such friendships in our lives, but the Trinity itself is to be a picture of the kind of relationships that we were made for! Paul in Ephesians 4 is addressing the foundational unity that we are to know in our relationships in the church. The Trinity is the ground of that unity. Notice, though, that it is not a unity based on uniformity; rather, it is a unity that is realized amidst diversity!
God is one- in substance, power, glory, etc. Yet, in the unity of the one Godhead are three persons- Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. They are not different “manifestations” of the one God (why water as ice, liquid, and steam fails as an analogy for the Trinity), but different persons related to one another within the one Godhead. I know, I know, we are getting into the mysterious. OK. Deal with it. Life is full of mysteries we can’t fully comprehend- the nature of God is one of them. But we can understand that there is unity and diversity within the Godhead- and that our relationships were meant to exhibit this same kind of dynamic to the world.
So friendships need not rest merely on shared interests, similar perspective, common “likes”, etc. These things shift over time leaving relationships founded upon them to become brittle and eventually broken. Rather, we need friendships that are Trinitarian…
- Relationships united through the work of each member of the Trinity to enable us to love and give ourselves to our friends.
- But relationships that enjoy and value the diversity of gifts, perspectives, and contributions that others very different from us can make to God’s purposes in our lives and the world.
That is the foundation of relationships that last. That is the foundation of Trinitarian friendships.